Maybe recognize that your partner doesn’t ascribe as much meaning to arbitrary dates and that silently expecting them to do something is a toxic mentality. I hope you realize you’re not teaching them any sort of lesson, you are intentionally setting yourself up to be disappointed/upset at your partner for not following the rules of a game they didn’t know you were playing.

Especially these days. Don’t you think it’s possible they have other things on their mind? I know I do. Between trying to figure out how to pay bills, figuring out how to save a little so we can retire some day, thinking about how stressful my job is, thinking about all the chores that need to be done, worrying about the health of myself and my family, worrying about car/home repairs, keeping insurance/registrations/enrollments/appointments/documents all up to date, and the endless struggle of what we’re having for dinner tonight; there’s just not a whole lot of mental space left for reading my partner’s mind and fulfilling their unspoken expectations.

You say this has been happening for years. Ever think that it’s just not something that’s going to change? That you’re expecting a fish to climb a tree unprompted and then getting upset with the fish when it doesn’t?

Grow the fuck up. Be a partner to your partner. How hard is it to say “Hey, I’d like to feel special on Valentine’s Day. It’s important to me.”?